Twilight

Edit: after rereading this post I realized how..harsh it is. Let's just start off by saying that I did like this book. Ok? Got it? Good. Continue.

I don't usually post about books I read (I'd need to devote an entire other blog to my reading because I'm stinking verbose and I spend enough time blogging as it is), but because everyone has been like, "YOU HAVE TO READ THIS BOOK" I decided I'd write my take.

I'm not sure if it's because it was so built up that I had unrealistic expectations, but I was actually rather unimpressed. That's not to say I didn't enjoy it, because I did, but I was expecting so much more.

I will grant you that some of my critique might be a little unfair because I probably just had the wrong expectations (it's possible. There's a reason I haven't been hired to write book reviews for the New York Times). But I'm putting it out there anyway.

I liked Stephenie Meyer's take on vampires, how she took bits and pieces of different cultural views and discarded a lot of generally held mythical bits in favor of new and creative details. Watching her creatures unfold was pretty interesting and I really did end up enjoying the vampires themselves, their back stories and personalities.

What I really didn't like? How much of the book was devoted to how Bella was entranced/captivated/dazzled/amazed by Edward's perfect/godlike/chiseled/marble eyes/hands/arms/face/chest/nose hairs. At some point long before the halfway mark I was like, "OK I GET IT HE'S FREAKING HOT CAN WE MOVE ON NOW??" and then the book continued in that same vein for 498 pages.

Here's the thing: yes, this book was very clean. They dance around the issue of sex very briefly and at some point Edward says something to the effect of, "I may not be human, but I'm still a MAN" (and I cringed horribly) but, people, it's a trashy romance novel. Without any sex. So much of this book was devoted to them being shmoopy all over each other which is exactly like a trashy romance novel except they never do anything more than kiss very chastely. It was frustrating because I just kept waiting for something exciting to happen (like, her father finds out and disapproves and they fight to the death! Or, the kids at school find out that Edward's a vampire and the whole town goes crazy and there's a mob! Preferably with pitchforks!) and instead, they would hang out and declare their love some more and he'd admit that he watches her while she sleeps and she would be totally ok with that. I felt like the author didn't know what kind of book she was writing. A bodice ripper with no sex kind of defeats the purpose* unless you're a teenage girl who just likes to be sigh over the romance between fictional characters (I would have LOVED this book when I was 15). An action/adventure story needs to get the characters and their relationships established early enough on to leave time and space for a good conflict and maybe some action (it's a book about VAMPIRES, was I the only one expecting at least one really good butt-kicking??). Somewhere around page 300 I thought to myself, "Where is she GOING with all of this?? Does this book have a point?"

Then FINALLY on page 375 out of 498 (yes, I checked) she decided that maybe this was an action/adventure type book and hey! Let's throw in an actual conflict. Like with bad guys and running and life saving and I was like HALLELUJAH. The side effect of waiting so long and devoting so little time to this conflict is that it feels tacked on. It's like it was almost an afterthought. Then it's over and resolved very quickly. There's more shmoop and the book ends.

NOW, all that being said, I'll probably read the other 2. Why? Because authors are really smart and stick the first 2 chapters of their next book at the end and I'm one of those people who can't NOT finish a book. And now that I've read the first 2 chapters of the next one in the series I HAVE to read the whole thing. And I'm kind of curious what 6 "vegetarian" vampires do when a regular type person they ostensibly love is bleeding all over the place in front of them. Sneaky authors.

*Side note. What IS the appeal of bodice rippers? Especially because they are read almost exclusively by women and a lot of these women are married to MEN who are probably willing to spend some quality one on one time with the wifey if she'd just put down the stupid book already. I should think that reading about it would very much pale in comparison to..ya know..doing it. Ok, moving on before I veer into really awkward territory...

P.S. Aaron totally judged me when I told him I was reading a book about teenaged vampire love.