Not My Proudest Moment

The past three days have just been full of moments that I would call less than proud. And I'm going to share them. Because blogging about such things usually makes me laugh about them and feel better about myself.

1. I almost get us killed.

On Saturday night Aaron and I took ourselves to the Chandler mall. We both just like wandering around malls to window shop and people watch and Aaron has been bugging me for months to go wander around an Apple store with him. So after a brief stopover in a maternity store, we found our way to the Apple store. Aaron is really interested in getting a MacBook Pro eventually, which display happened to be right by the entrance, so we stopped. The store was really busy and all the computers were taken, but we didn't really mind waiting. So we stood around for a while. Before too long it became fairly apparent that none of the computers would be opening anytime soon. And then I realized that there was this really terrible, foul-mouthed rap playing. And then I actually took a look at who was occupying the computers.

I'm going to try and say this delicately because I do TRY to be PC most of the time. Imagine the type of people you'd probably find in an inner-city school. Make sure they're wearing do-rags and saggy pants. And the girls should be in teeny tiny borderline obscene little skirts. Got a good visual? Ok, now put about 8 of those teenagers in front of 4 MacBook Pros in the Apple store. Browsing MySpace, streaming (offensive) rap off of YouTube, and doing I don't know what else (probably looking up Christmas decorating ideas on the Martha Stewart website). And that's when I turned to Aaron and said (too loudly) "Um..didn't realize the Apple store was also the ghetto." And then the nearest black kid turned and started eyeballing me like, "Did that fat white girl just say what I think she said?"

And then Aaron (who, it must be explained, likes to say horribly un-PC things to me because he knows I'll freak out about it and tell him he's a horrible person who is going to hell) said--also too loudly--"Ya. It's not like they can afford this stuff anyway."

And that's when I realized it was probably time to move on to look at the iPhones.

2. I almost lose my eye.

I was walking through a parking long when WHAM! Something hit me in the face. I spun around trying to figure out what the heck just happened when I realized I had walked directly into someone's wonky antenna. And the point hit me smack in the right eye of my sunglasses (and also? They were sitting in their car). I am now a firm believer in wearing permanent eye protection (although, I may have actually seen it had I not been wearing my glasses, which are a smidge on the dark side). And, if you have a wonky antenna, please fix it. My eyeballs thank you.

3. I almost kill an old lady.

I went to the post office to send a package and, instead of waiting in line, did that automated APC thing. Which, for some reason, assumes you haven't already addressed your package (I had) and prints out a huge postage label for you to put the "to" address on. So, I printed out my postage and searched for a pen to re-write the address on the label. The post office, apparently, does not actually believe in pens. The only pen I had in my purse was a fancy scrapbooking felt tip pen (why? I can't even begin to tell you). So I used that. But then it smeared like crazy. No one had a pen to lend me. So I realized I was going to have to take everything out to my car and search for another pen. I was pretty annoyed at this point (pregnancy=short fuse. And also, WHY NO PENS??) so I had just snorted my way out the door when I heard a rather large racket behind me. I had slammed the door on an old lady. In a walker. And she was stuck in the door.

On the one hand, don't assume I'm going to hold the door for you just because you're old, frail, and using a walker. On the other hand, I'm a blind jerk (probably due to the antenna incident).